Wedding stress – a bad thing, right? Psycotherapist Jane Barnfield Jukes says differently

Society's norms have always dictated the man's role as the fixer, organiser, the strong one! Like there's an unwritten rule book of life, that we all must conform to. However, psycotherapist Jane Barnfield Jukes says differently. “It's often expected that your bride will be stressed and nervous leading up to the big day but less so for the groom. This can sometimes lead to the added pressure of managing your feelings alone, on top of being supportive to your bride or groom-to-be.

“When we don't acknowledge our feelings, that's when they can build up and overwhelm us. You may start to express your feelings in a more aggressive way and use outbursts as a release without even realising. “A certain amount of stress is a normal part of life – how we respond to it is key. One of the most important things is to take control of what you can change and try to accept the things you can't. We often wrongly assign our feelings. Our conscious self allocates responsibility for stress in an area of our lives but like anxiety, it's not always easy to ascertain the cause e.g. our partners. We can often blame our partners for our stresses or vice versa.

“Although easier said than done try to set boundaries, creating a clear distinction between personal time and work time, or time with your loved one and wedding planning. These boundaries are more difficult to impose with technological advances we feel we have little control over. We are always expected to be available to respond. Our devices can also fulfil our deepest desire for personal interactions, feelings of self-worth or, simply, feed our feeling of relevance. (I'm in demand, therefore I am loved and necessary.) This, in turn, feeds our egos and temporarily making us feel more secure. In fact, some suggest the devices themselves have become attachment figures or security blankets fulfilling our unconscious needs.

“Create proper boundaries between your work and your home, including your phone and quite literally set time aside in your diary to switch off. Let your loved ones know so they don't become anxious. Communication with your wife-to-be is key, so start getting in to good habits now. “If everything is getting on top of you speak to somebody. Do not suffer in silence. Be active, take time to connect with people you care about, including yourself and embark on a regime of self-care. Make sure the voice inside your head is on your side and has your back.

“Try to be self-aware of your own coping mechanisms. Do you withdraw into yourself when under pressure or do you use your drive to succeed as a way to bulldoze through life and the current situation? Often these ways of being can overshadow the simple fact that you and your future partner are the priority. Remember, try to be aware of your stress levels and how to manage them not just for the big day but everyday! Psycotherapist Jane Barnfield Jukes is founder of Online Therapy Service The Practice (www.thepractice.co.uk). To book a free telephone consultation for online therapy please call 0333 0096 321.