Psychologist and We-Vibe's Relationship Expert Dr Becky Spelman, advise on the best way to manage the pre-wedding stress
With so much to think about, your hubby-to-be, friends, family, work and planning the most important event in your life, what happens when it all gets a bit too much? Relationship expert Dr Becky Spelman, has some stellar advice. Hear we find out more...
“When it comes to planning a dream wedding a lot of people opt for an idyllic location,” says Dr Becky Spelman. “A cute little hotel, a grand manor, or a cosy traditional pub on the village green they can all be super, and very romantic, locations. But regardless of how charming or bucolic the setting, planning a wedding can be a source of stress, even up to the point of threatening to ruin the special day. Who needs that?
Loosen the grip
"The first step to reducing stress is to accept at the outset that there are things you can't control. Top of the list is the notoriously changeable British weather. Even at the height of the summer, it's always possible that it will rain – and a lot of brides fret about what will happen to their hair, dress, and wedding shoes if the weather doesn't cooperate and their wedding venue is awash with mud. “Releasing yourself from this particular worry is very liberating. Don't fret – plan! Buy some designer wellies and umbrellas in case of need. If the heavens open you'll have a set of fun, quirky photos to remember your day – and if they don't, you'll always use them at the next musical festival or on holiday. “The same goes if you're concerned about midges or other biting insects. They might turn up as uninvited guests, but it won't matter so long as you or the venue is on-hand with citronella candles and sprays to keep them at bay.
Keep communication open
“Next up... conversation! When it comes to planning a wedding, often much or all of it is left up to the bride, and in some cases, the bride prefers to keep in control, so that everything works out the way she wants. However, just like marriage, a wedding should reflect the needs and desires of both parties. That's why it's important to have a conversation about it well in advance of the event, so that both bride and groom can make suggestions (and issue vetoes) long before everyone is getting tense and fraught. “Extended families are likely to try to butt in with 'helpful' suggestions that may be completely inconsistent with your vision for the day. Practice your most benign smile and learn how to say, 'Thank you for your lovely idea, but we're planning...'! “If you find, as a couple, that there are some things you disagree about, talk them through. If you give yourselves the time and space you need to go over everything calmly, you will find a middle ground.
Focus on the meaning
“Planning a wedding can be so much work, with so much potential for disagreement and squabbles along the way that people can even start to lose sight of the fact that, ultimately, it is a celebration between two people who love each other and who want to build a life together. “Any couple planning a wedding needs to work in time to take breaks from the arrangements so that they can still focus on one another and on the qualities and shared activities that make them who they are. Sex and physical affection are a big part of most couples' romantic life, so it's a good idea to set aside some time – and a little of the wedding budget – to ensure that they don't miss out on cuddles and fun in the run-up to the event. If their sex life starts to suffer because of all the hard work that's going into planning their wedding, that's no good! “Couples can sample some of the delights of their honeymoon ahead of the wedding by reserving some quiet time for themselves, by investing a little effort in doing things that make the other happy, and by nurturing their emotional and physical connection.”
A final thought from Dr Becky Spelman...
“Above all, when planning a wedding, it's crucial to remember that it's all about you, the couple; your plans for the future, and your love for one another. Whatever you plan, if love is at the heart of it, it can't go too far wrong!”
Dr Becky Spelman
We-Vibe’s Relationship Expert